I just don’t know how to start. I think this is the moment to face the reality I feel and write about all the things I wanna say. Not many people really know how I am, but I’ve tried to show a little piece of me to all the important persons in my life. Maybe you would ask why I am writing in English: maybe it is the simplest way of introducing me as I really am.

The truth is that since I was a little child, I have been very shy of showing me as I really am; something that makes difficult to have a big group of friends. I have always tried to fight against this, maybe the worst of all fights: the one against myself, just the way I was. My childhood was very good, however, but these problems make me realize I could have acted better. But it is ok.

Remembering the past, I have been so naïve, always trusting everybody just because of the fact that maybe they could change, maybe. I have always thought that if I am a good person they would be good with me. Well, now I understand this is not so easy. My experience has taught me everything I know and all that I want to be in the future. I know many people suffer because of this issue, but I have only my experience. No matter how much I have fallen, I have got up again and again.

I believe the harder you rise, the harder you fall, or maybe is better to say: the harder you fall, the harder you bounce.

Furthermore, I have thought my friends would be there, always, if I acted well. But the way they have disappointed and not answering me as I hoped, have make me stronger and I have understood things do not always happen as we want. This is the experience I refer when I say I have learned something about the lesson of life, `cause every step we make in life includes a lesson to be remembered, and all these lessons are what in fact is called LIFE. Because life would not exist without lessons, without experiences that make us grow up and be mature. I don’t think I am better that anyone because of this, but I don’t think I am worse either. I just belong to the kind of people who like to better, to learn the harder to get the best, to be a good person and learn every single day.

I love my life and freedom, I really do. But only people from the past know what is going on with me. Sometimes is so hard to raise my voice and say what I feel that I can’t tell anybody. But I trust my friends, they have showed me a big part of them and I appreciate it, I love the way they look at me and read my mind without having to say anything. I have learned a lot of things this year; I have trusted myself more than ever, and I have realized when I was wrong and when I was right. I know I can be helped by them, because I know them better, but they don’t know me perfectly and I try to show them this little piece of me.

Apart from this little part that is deep down inside of me, I am a very lucky person. Although I have not been what is called lucky in love issues, many times, I have been happy. I am happy right now. I love the way I am and I love the way people now trust me and specially people I love. And I have experienced for the first time what is to be specially treated by other person, the person you want. Yes, I was really happy then, during the time it was real. I have never thought I could feel what I felt then and I never thought it could happen to me so suddenly. But special things come suddenly, I think. But I never thought I could feel so bad for some time. I know people like the way I am acting in this sense, but it is hard sometimes, not seeing the person as the way you saw him/her. Time heals everything, after all, and I would feel so miserable if I could apart you from my side that I can’t do anything but hoping that some time we would be great. I wish you could show me I am important, I wish you just could be more generous by letting people who loves you know they are special.

Well, this is the way I am and feel and success and try to be. The truth is that without these experiences I would not be the person I am, ‘cause they have taught me very good lessons and to grow up trying to be better each day in my life. I wish I could show everybody I love how important they are for me, how much I care, and how miserable I could be if I lost them, but I think the best way of seeing it is by having a great part of them inside of me and keeping the best of them in order to be a better person.   

  

Sometimes you just need to start again in order to fly. This is my start, now it is my turn to fly.

With love,

Mandarin.